The hostess of a dinner party had invited an old friend who was an insurance salesman, along with two other guests, who both happened to be lawyers. The insurance salesman began monopolizing the conversation with a lengthy account of recent litigation involving himself. The hostess became more and more uneasy as he came to the conclusion of his tale. "In the end," the salesman concluded, "you know who got all the money?"
The hostess cringed. "The lawyers!" he shouted.
There was embarrassed silence at the table. The hostess felt her heart pounding until the wife of one lawyer said, "Oh, I love a story with a happy ending!"
A young lawyer, just graduated from law school, returned to his hometown to start up a law practice on his own. He knew he had to make a good impression to get clients to start coming to him.
On his first day in his new office, he saw a man approaching his door. Just before the man walked in, the lawyer lifted up the receiver on his phone and began talking. He continued on for several minutes, making the man wait, talking about an important case he had just concluded, and how he would be busy for quite some time to come. He continually gestured to the man to wait.
After hanging up the phone, he said, "What can I do for you?" The man said, "Nothing. I'm from the phone company and I'm here to hook up your phone."
Innocent or Guilty?
A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse. In the defense's closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick.
"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. "Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom."
He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened.
Finally the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But, you all looked on with anticipation. I therefore put to you that you have a reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty."
The jury, clearly confused, retired to deliberate. A few minutes later, the jury returned and they pronounced a verdict of guilty.
"But how?" inquired the lawyer. "You must have had some doubt; I saw all of you stare at the door."
The jury foreman replied, "Oh, we looked, but your client didn't."
Bumper Sticker Humor
_A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
_You are getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.
_If your parents didn't have any children, chances are you won't either.
_It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
_There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.